Destination: Super Bowl XLIV, Miami FL USA

Inspiration: Mike Gifford: “Do you have a ticket to the game yet?”

Actualization: I felt like Charlie Bucket when he opened up his Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar and found the Golden Ticket!

I GOT A GOLDEN TICKET!  Mike Gifford was SAINT Willie Wonka and I was going to the CHOCOLATE FACTORY! Mike Gifford actually got his golden tickets from the Redbull factory

I picked up Mike in a cab with a bottle of Pepto for him and some golden tights for me and the Saints.  As we walked towards the gates to the game, I really did feel like Charlie.  Everything was larger than life.  We even saw this OOMPA-LOOMPA before we entered the main stadium:

We sat down to our seats. Row 13/section 112.  I know people talk about watching from the suites at these games but I’m telling you Mike’s golden tickets were pure golden nuggets to me.

We all know the outcome to the game by now. Saints won! So I thought I’d share some other fun moments.

The Superbowl brings out the superfans. The best kind…almost crazy like certifiable ones. I swear a few times I’d hear  the drums and the oompa loompa doompety doo. I’ve got another puzzle for you….. like the OOOMPA LOOMPAS were going to appear on timeouts to drag a few fans to the incinerator.

I made Mike and Veronica (Veronica got a golden ticket as well) help me seek out the fans.

This Saints fan actually played the gluttonous Augustus Gloop in the 1971 Wonka movie and now he’s a Jester for children’s parties and the Superbowl.

These two licked too much of the Lickable Wallpaper for Nurseries.

This guy was eating the Rainbow Drops: “Suck them and you can spit in six different colors!” PS he told me he was a Saints fan in his heart…hence their jersey on his left side:)

Veruca Salt – I want the World! I did feel spoiled with these Golden tickets.  I can think of 310 people who deserved them more.  Then the Blues Brother Saints appeared and saved me from not Veruca Salting my way down the garbage chute.

What’s a snosberry?

These blue faced colts fans got too cocky and what started with their cheers and blue faces blew up to a big fat loss of a game. It was a case of Violet Beurogarde. Sorry Blue and White…oompa loompa doopety doo…

Realization: Be a fan.  You can be a fan of sports, a fan of tv, a fan of the Olympics, a fan of old people, a fan of mascots. Be a fan and travel to support your crazy FAN-tasy.

Destination: Animal and Miami or Miami Animal

Inspiration: Kim Murphy turns 31 – “I am so excited to have my bday dinner with you guys!
We have reservations at Animal at 7:15PM
Animal is located at 435 N Fairfax Ave. It’s across the street from The Dime.”

Actualization: Desperate for travel, football, and a challenge, I was craving adventure. Kim’s 31st sparked memories of my 31st travels so I booked a free flight to the SuperBowl with my United miles. No clue if I’d have a ticket to the game but I knew I’d be with my kind – fans, superfans, animals, and mascots.

Thursday night – Animals and party animals.  The fun begins.  Birthday Animal, Kim Murphy turns 31 and we have her birthday dinner at Animal.  There were no Saints at that table but definitely Miami fans and Kim prepared me for the town with her knowledge of the city, her home to sleep and some practice drinking for her 31st.

Laura, Kim and Nisha

Friday – Fans and Superfans.  I made the 6am flight after Frustrated Fan Rembrandt called me 9 times between 4:30 and 5, called my brother for the address, pulled up in a taxi, and broke into my house to wake me up.  We caught up on sleep on the plane, and arrived in Miami with time to drop bags at the Shoreclub room of Superfan Rhiannon.

Me and Rhi

Rem, me and Jen

When traveling low budget, it’s always important to plan on inopportune flight times, mulitple sleepovers and constant change of plan.  I couldn’t even remember if I’d packed shoes but would have been happy with just flippy floppies for this trip!

Jen and I and our esspresso martinis

Friday Night began and ended at the W Hotel.  Saints fan Jen Birn and I had cocktails in the lounge and popped by room 1003 to see the view. Super(naked)fan Kives gave us a view alright….

 

Super Fan Kives

Next we hit the Audi party where we drank champagne and mingled inside as a steady downpour of rain trailed the sides of the windows along the penthouse at the W. The room was an attractive one so we didn’t mind-Kellan Lutz, Rob Lowe, Taylor Lautner, Jessica Alba.

Travel Job of the Day (and my favorite guest of the night) –  Audi’s CCO Jeff Kuhlman travels with media to try the new vehicles on roads all over the world.  He recently drove with a group of 20 from the middle of Australia up to the Northwest corner.  What a way to see the country with three days of driving and tents, can you imagine?  He flew in from a Spain roadtrip the day before.

Miami Day 2/Saturday – The rain had cleared.  It was a perfect morning for a run on the boardwalk followed by a day with the mascots at the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl.  We were Team Kellan in the corner. I loved that his friends had his name spelled out on posterboards to cheer him to victory. For me though, I couldn’t concentrate on the game, I just kept getting distracted by the mascots.

From mascots back to animals…Next highlight of the night was at the Miami home of Director, Michael Bay. The house was gorgeous and we entered into the party by crossing a pond out front, walking on squares of land that crossed in a diagonal pattern leading up to the entrance of his two-story home. The entire front was glass allowing us to see the roomful of guests but it wasn’t long before I found myself cold and ready to find someone to warm me up or head to the Maxim party.  I found that someone …nope not Michael Bay – Michael Bay’s Dog, Mason and well, yes, Michael Bay was there too!  Mason was def the hunk of burning love at that party and the burning love wasn’t sticking around so we headed out to burning loins Maxim. That sounds dirty but you know what I mean, it’s Maxim.

Realization: Superbowl time makes me reminiscent of college football fans and games. I thrive on that energy this weekend was buzzing with it. WHO DAT…to be continued….

Destination: Dear John Premiere at Graumann’s Chinese Theatre, Hollywood, CA

Inspiration: Brooke Blumberg “Do you want a ticket to the Premiere of ‘Dear John’? No reviews Angie.”   

Actualization: Hollywood premieres are always fun. Munching on free popcorn, cheering when the actor’s names flash on the screen, getting all dressed up, and watching little teen girls take pictures with their idols.

Best part is being with the people who poured their blood, sweat and tears into a project and feeling just an ounce of how that accomplishment touches them.
Reminds me of going to my brother Adam’s basketball games and  brother JJ’s plays growing up.
Dear John, If you ever have the chance to experience someone else’s moments with them, don’t pass it up.

I got to experience that moment with some of my favorite people who I felt lucky to have had moments with in the past. Below is a review of my travel memories with them, along with a little Liz(one of my movie dates) commentary!

Channing Tatum:

Liz quote: Dear John“He once inadvertantly brushed against my upper thigh and it was one of the most erotic moments of my life”

Travel trip: To the screaming tweens at Graumans and Liz, Channing is the new boy crush, but to me, he is the dude I had the time of my life with in the Bahamas for the opening of Cain at the Cove, Atlantis.
Watching his larger than life persona on massive movie screen as he romanced Amanda Seyfriend reminded me of the love affair between him and Jenna on the Bahama beaches.

Scott Porter:

Liz quote: Dear Johnnnnnn “I remember he had the dance moves from that one trip!”

Travel trip: I brought Scott backstage to see N.E.R.D. Perform at Austin City Limits a few years ago. That was a moment where I had to explain to backstage security that he and friends were all cast members from Friday Night Lights. It wasn’t long before everyone realized and Scott was surrounded by Texans. I felt like I accomplished my “in” when I got them past! Best part was that at that music festival we had the best time laughing and dancing outside VIP. Austin TX is a dream to visit especially for a music festival!

DJ Cotrona:

Liz (and well most of my friends who’ve met him) quote: Dear Dear John ”Very cute!”

Travel trip: DJ is very quiet and unassuming. On screen you’d never know it but even in crazy Vegas for the Killers concert at the Hard Rock he was pretty low key…yet always with a certain shy charm.

Keith Robinson:

Liz quote (when we said hi to him post movie): D-D-De-Dear John! “Lets get this party started?” Liz was ready for wine at the afterparty.

Travel trip: Commander Keith in the movie reminded me of Kentucky Derby Keith. Keith led his troop of reps to the afterparty.

Richard Jenkins:

Liz quote: Dear Daddy John “Angie he reminds me so much of your dad!” I don’t really know Richard but I do know he seems to be similar to Dad Banicki. Bald with a welcoming, calm demeanor. Richard also grew up in the same town where Guy Banicki went to college. Dekalb Illinois…maybe that’s also why I was so emotional in the father/son scenes.

There's Dad....you see it, right?

Travel Trip: Premiere afterparty, H-Wood. Alana, Liz and I spent most of our time at the afterparty searching for…yup Daddy Jenkins. We didn’t find him but after his meatloaf and lasagna scenes in the movie, we decided to leave the after party when Alana said, “It looks like the Dad cooked the food here. Let’s go meet the girls elsewhere.”

As we exited for home we passed one more character from the movie-Henry Thomas (the little boy from ET!)

Our quote: ET PHONE HOME!

Alana’s premiere disney moment: Since Alana was placed across the aisle from us it became our mission to figure out who the blond in the purple dress sitting next to her and signing autographs could possibly be. Every little girl in the theater had come over to meet Blondie.  I ran to try and take a sly photo but of course the sweet girl looked at Alana questionably.  The rest is history as Alana and Tiffany Thornton bonded over popcorn and we watched her and kermit this morning online.

Tiffany Thornton

Actualization: Never pass on an invite to a big hollywood premiere… (do pass on movie inspired cuisine at the buffet) and remember usually how you experience real life moments, even when not glamourous, is what can make them seem larger than life.

Destination: Maggie’s Birthday at Crystal 7901 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles CA

Inspiration: Legend Pete Huyck emails- ”Wanna go to Russia? Because we’re going this Friday night, and I think you should join us.” Pete is probably one of the funniest people I know.  He is a comedy writer/director who has an inate talent for planning events for large groups of friends.

Actualization: Tell me you wouldn’t be excited by an email with some of the following statements(They all came true):

Jean Kwolek and Murray Miller(Russian or not - the man who tells it as it is)

Dress code is “Russian fancy” which means ladies in dresses or such and men in suits or jackets and ties or tuxedos or Versace track suits.

Very very authentic.  Weird food (and tons of it), lots of wine and vodka and a live band that plays Russian pop songs, as well as Elvis and Van Halen and other very random stuff.

This restaurant has one seating, at 8pm, and you stay and eat course after course after course and drink beverage after beverage after beverage and dance until 2am.  There is a smoke machine.  It is awesome.

Pete’s friends took his email seriously and arrived dressed to impress and ready to drink like Russians.

Angie, Jean, and Rodney(my old boss at Letterman)

We shared our night with a wedding party who kept thanking Pete and Maggie for adding to their celebration.

I’ll let the photos speak for themselves along with some Russian traditions from Wikipedia.

When you have alcohol, it must be drunk until it is gone

One should not make a long interruption between first and second shots

1 shot, 2 shot

It’s good luck to trip on your left foot(I think I tripped at least once.)

Maggie and the father of the bride(The Dancing King)

Unmarried people should not sit at the corner of the table. Otherwise they will not marry. This mostly applies to girls, and often only young girls. Sometimes it is said that you will not marry for 7 years, making it all right for young children to sit there.

That seat on the end....that was mine. oops

Realization: Our “trip to Russia” reminded me of three things I really LOVE and Russians do too! Dancing – especially the silly kind. Big dinners with friends. Vodka.

Your Moment: Next time you go  Russian dancing, please feel free to use Pete’s advice below.  I had Anya, my Russian Waxer, confirm the Russian:)

ps  Here’s a little phrase to master for tonight, when we are dancing with our new Russian friends: “K sozhaleniyu, ya poka ne govoryu po russki” which means “unfortunately, I cannot yet speak Russian.” And then you could say “Ya ischu devushku, kotoraya khochet lyubit i bit luybimoy” which means “I am looking for a girl who wants to love and be loved.” And then you would add “Dlya menya eto ochen’ neobychny sposob znakomstva” which means “For me, it’s a very unusal way of meeting people.” And then “ya ochen lyublyu tebya i prashu stat mayey zshenoy” which, of course, means “I love you very much and ask you to be my wife.” Then maybe throw out a flirty little “Tseluyu?” which means “kiss?” Then laugh off the awkward moment and follow with “kak vas zavut?” which means, “what is your name?” then “govori pazhaluista gromche” which means “speak louder please” as it will be loud on that dance floor, and then “govori pazhaluista medlennee” which means “please, speak slower” because Russian is a tough language.  Then “eto Olga?” which means “is that Olga?” Then let her know “ya skhazshu po tebe s uma” which means “you drive me crazy.” Let her know “Moya lyubov ne znayet granits” which means “there’s no borders for my love ” and “Dlya nashey lyubvi net pregrad” which means “there’s no obstacles for our love.” Then, when her huge goon of a Russian boyfriend approaches, say “izvinite” which means “excuse me” and get your ass back to our table.

Destination: XIV, Los Angeles CA

Inspiration: Rachel Krupa’s Birthday

Actualization: Here is my top XIV from the night -

1- Rachel Krupa turns 30 and the dinner table was long to fit her many friends.  We were surrounded by bookcases.  I prefer to describe the top dinner moments with a few references to CLUE. Without a murderer but perhaps a boozer?  Rachel was the sexy flirtatious Miss Scarlett in her tiara with a lemon martini to start.

Miss Scarlett

2- Who was Professor Plum? “A simple, intelligent man and good-natured at heart, but he likes to steal his own things?” I think this may have to go to Michael Kives who sat next to Rachel but would not be the culprit because he was watching his booze consumption and seemed to be watching Miss Scarlett herself. Is he trying to make her the booziest?

Professor Plum

3- The mini dishes they kept bringing were just additional clues.  Who would eat to control the booze OR to allow them to booze more?

4- Luke was Mr. Green, the Trickster who has known Rachel since her youthful days in Michigan. I saw him eyeing those Patron shots Miss Brooke was tossing back.

Mr. Green

5- I sat next to Chris Huvane, Colonel Mustard, with his entertaining adventuresome stories; every story topping the next and usually a juxtaposition. From the upscale Jewish Wedding he attended in NYC to the fight with the Russians on Fairfax Ave. Colonel Mustard Chris, just keep speaking your mind and drink up.

Colonel Mustard

6- Naan bread with the yogurt sauce that had a hint of mint julep to which Chris said, “Get in there Angie. Smother that yogurt. More. More.” Colonel Mustard Chris, did you just order another bottle of Ojai Pinot Noir?

7- Nicole Perna (seated on other side of me): “Listen if your friend wants to diarrhea all over you in an email then you need to diarrhea right back at her!” Would Miss Peacock be the newly single minx boozing her way to find a bad romance?

Miss Peacock

8- The Vegetarian Falafel Burger that Nicole/Miss Peacock made them bring for me, Mrs. White.  Was that because she thought I had drank too much?  I was just the housekeeper.

Miss White

9- Rachel, Miss Scarlet, likes the fries.  She may win.

10- Was that a wrench Miss Peacock just stuck in my side to stop drinking?  She must have stolen it from the kitchen. I am losing steam but that flirtatious Scarlet is not!

11-12-13-3 bottles of Ojai Pinot Noir.  A game of Clue isn’t the same without them, and then of course the candlestick of a birthday cake they brought out from the kitchen.  Miss Scarlett said it was flavored white chocolate.

14- A night out with Rachel and her cast of character friends is always fun and I am accusing her to be the birthday boozer in the XIV dining room.

Realization: Whether its a candlestick in the dining room or a birthday dinner at XIV, take a clue and make friends who will play games with you…even when you are 30! Happy Birthday Rachel Krupa!

Destination: Australia All Over

Inspiration: Secret Actor texted me (he’s hot and a legend as the Aussies say!): Have someone go down under

Actualization: So this is my Best of the Rest part 2 for those of you who go down under to Australia!

UP IN THE AIR Director, Jason Reitman: Enjoy Australia. The zoo in Sydney is beautiful and if they’re playing right now, you owe it to yourself to check out an Aussie rules football game.

Dexter’s Julie Benz: Go to the Great Barrier Reef… You have to see it!!! And the Sydney zoo is a lot of fun:) and there is a great flea market in Sydney on the weekends with lots of cool stuff…. And go to an outdoor movie!!

Jesse Lutz and Cameron Diaz: Culture: Moonlight Cinema is amazing if the weather is great, google it and you can see whats on. Its amazing watching old films under the stars overlooking the harbour

Actor/Producer Jake Hoffman: I’ve never been, but my brother went and went bungee jumping! I dare you!!!!!!!!

Desperate Housewive’s Sharon Lawrence: Here ya go. Have some one teach you to play the diggery do and make sure to video the lesson. That’s so Aussie and something you should only try under professional supervision. We brought a magnificent one home from our Fijian/Sydney honeymoon and cant play it at all!

H&S Grey Gooser, Danielle Lew: Drink VB (short for Victoria Bitter – it’s the local beer that’s made in the state)

Comedian Jon Lovitz: I’ve never been there but I hear Perth is beautiful!!!

Musician Jaron Lowenstein: Find something so beautiful either externally or discovered within that makes you cry. I don’t have tangible suggestions because those don’t mean anything to me except that they can be conduits to emotion. Find something beautiful about yourself that you didn’t know before. And tell me what it is. Have a wonderful inspired trip.J

Publicist Liz Keen: Eat a “pie” at Harry’s Cafe de Wheels – Sydney

Actor, Robert Ri’Chard: Go to the Whitsundays if possible on a 2-3day sailboat tour. U’ll get hit on by the 26yr old Firstmates during the night. They’ll take you to the most photographed beach in the world. Prettiest beach on the planet. Make sure you go topless (it’s what all the Sports Illustrated Supermodels do) It’s quite liberating. Port Douglas: Take the Quiksilver II Boat Tour to Great Barrier and see an amazing underwater experience

Jeff Probst: Find a local to teach you how to play the didgeridoo then buy one and ship it home.  They’re great fun to have around the house and definitely a conversation piece and they are indigenous to Australia.

I actually took Probst’s advice partially and had the most amazing experience learning about the didgeridoo and the history of the aboriginals in Australia. (I didn’t ship it home!) You can see for yourself here - http://www.indijnarts.com.au/

Kathy Najimy: You are spectacular!  Happy Birthday doll and have a splendid time in Australia!! We love Melbourne- where are you staying?  There is a theatre/performing arts festival there you will love!
oxoxo Kathy Ann

Realization: I still am dreaming of my time in Australia and cannot wait to go back!

Destination: V Australia

Inspiration: V Australia finally takes me home….I changed my flight 4 times before finally heading back to Los Angeles!   I was incredibly lucky to fly in style…First Class since I had worked an event for V last year. A full bar, bed for a seat, and enough movies to fly around the world twice, I was in heaven for my 13 hour trip.

Actualization: BEST OF THE REST: PART 1

I used my flight time to gather moments to share.
Below is a sampling of some inspiring and outrageously fun tips I was dying to experience but couldn’t since I ran out of time and money this trip!

If you go to OZ you should try these and just don’t pick up the Aussie mumble!
Just throw on your sunnies, put on your summer feet and get amongst it. Cheers mate!

Aussie TV Presenter/ Actor, Jason Dundas:
‘Lay under the stars by the rock’
Experience true Australian magic at the Longitude 131 hotel.

Gavin Degraw:
Rent a Subaru and drive the Outback!

TV Host and Model Tyson Beckford:

Go to a lil club called ssssh.

Celebrity Chef Rocco Dispirito:
God I wish I had my own experience to share with you but Australia is still on my to do list as well! Sounds like its gonna be fun no matter what! Oh and I’m a diver, I say try it.  Its a life altering experience.  Australia has legendary reefs for 100’s of miles.  Maybe reconsider?

Producer and Stylist Robin Garvick:
Dinner at North Bondi Italian. (Order the Blood Orange and Vodka)
The markets are incredible on Sat and Sundays
Go to Ruby Rabbit if it is still there, go upstairs. Be sure to check out the bathroom. It’s my favorite place to pee on the planet*

Veev’s Kasey Blaustein:
You have to camp out on Fraiser Island. I went in ‘04 with some friends and our car broke down. You have to get your car above a certain point on the beach by a certain time of the day or else water can creep into the car and you’re screwed. Anyways we had to contact the only auto mechanic on the island who was certifiably insane. No joke. We had to go to his house, he yelled at himself, his place was like a scene from Hoarders. He actually grabbed a camera out of my friend’s hand and threw it on the floor when she went to take a picture of it all. He couldn’t fix our car so we had to stay at his house OR sleep outside unprotected to be eaten by dingos. I was very close to sleeping with the dingos. He had scratched out all the faces of women in the magazines in his house and had really dirty utensils and it was straight out of a horror film. We all slept in one bed with his kitchen knives under the pillow.  Needless the say we made it out alive but I had another friend that had a run in with him too and at that point he had a camel living in his back yard. I dare you to find him, give him a visit and even stay a night in his guest house. He’s the only auto mechanic on the island. Good luck and bring pepper spray!

Charley Walters
If you want to go straight to airlie, catch a cheap flight up to Cairns and drive DOWN from there… but first go to another place called “Cape Tribulation” (they call it “cape trib”) which is the most beautiful spot I’ve ever seen in my life (seriously, its where the Daintree Rainforest meets the Great Barrier Reef) – either way you will want to fly one way, it takes too long to drive both ways.  You can also take a bus called McGafferty’s which stops at all the best places, and you can get on/get off when ever you choose- as I’m sure you’ve already learned there the attitude is always “no worries” and it seems there are barely any laws!

Realization: As hard as sharing can be, it usually ends up being more rewarding than keeping something for yourself!  Don’t be a monkey – prove me right and go see the wizard behind the curtain of OZ!

Your Moment:
V Australia

Longitude 131 Hotel

Subaru

North Bondi Italian

Veev

McGafferty’s

Destination: Great Barrier Reef

Inspiration: Donald Sutherland.  Need I say more?

Donald Sutherland “the Great Barrier Reef? If that’s where you’ll be go out in the water on a boat to the ‘Potato Hole’. Just from the boat, without even going in, you can see more fish than you can imagine. But swim. Dive. Even the sharks out there are pretty tame. If you’re a good diver you can go down the cliff on the sea side of the reef. That apparently is fantastic. I’m too old to dive. Fifty’s the safe age limit. Beware of the predators that are all over the place. The Box Jellies and the Irukandji. They’re very poisonous jelly fish, and they’re all over the waters up north now that our man produced CO2 is lowering the Ph of the oceans and the invertebrates are taking over. Keep an eye peeled for the salt water crocodile; they go out to the reef to mate and then they lie on the beaches on shore and pretend they’re a log until you sit on one and they eat you….”

Actualization: Donald sent me to dive and I dove…as a snorkeler.  It was worth being a snorkeler that day for the following 4:

1- Risk decompression sickness if you fly within 24 hours of diving.  I was originally scheduled to fly out the next day….so snorkel was safe and just as fun!

2- Less money to snorkel and as my trip was coming to an end, I was happy to cut where I could.

3- More sea creatures – in my snorkeling crew. Pretty sure I saw more than the divers AND got to talk while I was exploring;)  I swam with a sea turtle. I was close enough to touch a meat-eating shark – the white tippery.  Our cute snorkel instructor would bring different sea creatures up to the water’s surface and tell us about them.  He’d answered all my silly questions like, “what were those fish doing when they jabbed their mouths at one another fast?” Cute British accent, “Haha. Doll. Those were parrot fish- fornicating.”

4- Cute young instructor was my fav part of the reef.  As I’ve frequently mentioned, the people make the moments for me.  In this case, it was the people and the organisms.  Donald being the inspiration. Sean being my cute guide who introduced me to all the beautiful creatures of the sea. The next day, despite the fact that I discovered he was the ripe young age of 19, I still wasn’t able to control the kissing bandit.

The Great Barrier Reef is home to over 1500 species of fish.

What else did we find at the reef? Donald, no crocs or web spiders, however I did see…

Coral – in every color from blue to pink to cabbage patch-like lettuce.  Examining the coral with the rays of sunlight shining through the blue water was magical.
Maori Wrasse- I got to pet this slimy blue one.  Maori can change from female to male halfway through life.

Maori Wrasse

Sea cucumber- we saw and touched 3 of 18 different kinds
Zeitan- Spunky fish with a hole
School of yellowtail, Parrot fish, zebra fish, and starfish

Realization: I forgot how much I love the water.  Something about the water just makes me happy and makes the kissing bandit happy too.  Thanks Donald.

Your Moment:

Donald Sutherland’s entire email:

Where are you going? The north east coast? Port Douglas? Surfer’s Paradise? The Great Barrier Reef? If that’s where you’ll be go out in the water on a boat to the ‘Potato Hole’. Just from the boat, without even going in, you can see more fish than you can imagine. But swim. Dive. Even the sharks out there are pretty tame. If you’re a good diver you can go down the cliff on the sea side of the reef. That apparently is fantastic. I’m too old to dive. Fifty’s the safe age limit. Beware of the predators that are all over the place. The Box Jellies and the Irukandji. They’re very poisonous jelly fish, and they’re all over the waters up north now that our man produced CO2 is lowering the Ph of the oceans and the invertebrates are taking over. Keep an eye peeled for the salt water crocodile; they go out to the reef to mate and then they lie on the beaches on shore and pretend they’re a log until you sit on one and they eat you. The Funnel Web Spider is fatal. Jumps up in your face. Nocturnal. Falls into your pool sometimes when it’s foraging and as soon as it hits the water shoots out a diaphanous bubble that immediately encloses it and gives it enough air to breathe while it lies in fear and trembling at the bottom of the pool. Hard to see. Don’t step on it. You die. Mostly kills little kids. And the snakes, the Death Adder, the Tiger Snake, the Brown Snake, killers all. They’re in the garden between where you live and the beach so keep an eye out when you walk through. Go to Fraser Island. All sand. They issue you with a Sutherland Tourniquet there because they’ve got a lot of snakes and the venom goes up your epidermis, not intravenously, and that tourniquet with the cute name will stop it from getting up to your heart and brain. High boots are useful too. The Australians, once drunk, are probably the most ruthlessly predatory of all the creatures. New Zealand is exactly the opposite. Sydney’s beautiful, Melbourne, Ayres Rock is out there. Look at the Aboriginal Art. Beautiful. Foster’s Lager. Penfold’s Wine costs a fortune. The white chardonnay from New Zealand, Oyster Bay, is pretty reliable. Barbecues. There are fish stores that you can walk in, select your fish, hand it over and they’ll put it on the ‘Barbie’ and you eat it outside. Won’t let dogs into the country. When Noel Coward went there the very strict customs and immigration asked him if he had a criminal record and he replied, “Oh, I didn’t know you still needed one to come here.” Have a wonderful time. Make out a will before you go. Lots of love, Donald

Fool’s Gold
Donald Sutherland
Whitsunday Islands

Destination: Scott Stuber’s Holiday Party

Inspiration: Erica Cornwall: “We are going to the gym to sweat it out….then onto Scott Stuber’s holiday party”

Actualization: Erica and I lose track of time on the precore at Equinox laughing and telling stories from the night before. 90 minutes later, covered in sweat, and stomach sore from laughing while running, we are like new again. Ready to toxify yet again. We reconvene at 10pm and head over to the Sunset tower with a third, miniature Miss Rachel Zalis. It’s like I haven’t left LA as we walk into the room greeted with shots and then a few steps further our attractive host Mr. Stuber. Scott is the guy who worked his way up in Hollywood. He has charm, presence and kind eyes…and an unreal party list.

Definitely not a night of toxification but always entertaining characters at these parties. And I’m not talking about fellow guests Jen Aniston, Jake Gyllenhaal or Anne Hathaway.
I mean; Geyer Kosinski with his Corona and little smirk as he gives us a little show and spins on the non-existent dance floor. Mini and stylish Rachel running around chatting up everyone there. Always able to bond no matter the situation.
Sweet Jay Lavender always in baseball cap and big smile. He brought me back to Oz for a second as we chatted about Barnbougle. Then always the slew of Hollywood suits hamming it up, but not quite comfortable in their socializing as they talk while scanning the room before they run to chat up their client or potential talent/producer.

It was just enough for me though to be reminded, life is a constant game. Hollywood agents cocktailing at the Sunset tower vs bankers in Sydney vs Socialites in Melbourne. Everyone is looking to make a deal, meet a potential mate, make a movie, or invest in a project. We had a few cocktails and I got home for cookies and chitty chitty bang bang.

Realization: Post 30, don’t try and do two big nights in a row

Your Moment:
Equinox fitness
Scott Stuber
Rachel Zalis

Destination: “I’m on a Boat”

Inspiration: Audrina Patridge was in Sydney recently and said: “Hiii…. When I was in Sydney we took a cruise around the harbor which is beautiful and also went to Bondi beach and had lunch at iceberg which was amazing!!!!”

Actualization: I haven’t even made the boat yet. I’m sitting here at the airport trying not to cry. I can’t really because everyone’s laughing at me. I’m wearing a santa hat I got at Sluttingham Palace last night. Slutttingham palace was described to me by a 22-year old girl as a place “owned by 3 old guys (um 35) who had parties to get girls.” She also thought I was 24. I’m thinking it was the hat, so I’ll keep it on and be 24.

My story: “I went to Sluttingham Palace and all I got was this Santa hat.” I actually got this sweatshirt too. I took it from the Sluttingham closet. New favorite out of business brand favored by the kings; Fake London Genius.

In the attempt to fulfill Audrina’s moment, the following has commenced…so far: 24 hours in Melbourne (even when I write it I say BORN, but for you Americans, the accent is on the MEL I’ve been told too many times now). I had a flight booked for noon to get to Sydney and go on a sunset boat ride. Woke up in my clothes from the night before and ran around throwing clothes in bags with a confetti sprinkle trailing me. If you aren’t going to be a slut at the palace at least create a costume I went in the bathroom as a confetti trail was falling out of my bra but the Santa hat was staying put. I grabbed Janae and we rushed out for the airport. Janae told me about 17 times. “Angie, I’ll drive you just get me directions to the airport.” I tried a Google search but it seemed easier to ask. We got three sets of directions and next thing you know we are in Dungaroo something, 40 minutes from the airport. Australians are the worst at directions…not only cabbies or people on the street. It’s the entire population. Serious.

I arrived to the airport 20 minutes after my flight standing about a mile from Jetstar’s check-in. I pulled my bags across 4 times before booking another flight on Virgin Blue. Note to self. Book Virgin Blue from now on. My blackberry had died and my shoes were falling off. I could feel eyes on me from all directions. Watching me lug bags in a Santa hat, wine-stained green dress, blue sweatshirt, smeared makeup and foofy hair. People smiled, pointed, laughed, or just hummed christmas songs at me. I wasn’t taking the hat off because it was the only thing keeping me from crying. I booked another flight. Bought a charger. I was able to stall the boat and get a later pickup thanks to the 911 trick. I didn’t believe it worked but had heard if you hit 911 your phone will automatically recharge for an extra 5 minutes. I felt this was a case of 911. Thanks Cade! I had a drink on the plane and was ready for the boat.

Lucinda and Freddy were celebrating his birthday on their friends boat and had invited me to join them. Lucinda is another result of my friendship with VeeV’s Courtney Reum. I had met her and Freddy once for dinner in LA, but we kept in touch. They are adorable and fun. Originally I thought there was no way I’d still be down under. Now it’s December 12th and we are rushing to Newport where they have the boat making a special stop at the wharf there to pick up me, Gilda, and Jacki Bresic. Thanks to Gilda’s quick driving skills, we made it on time. Thanks to Jacki’s attentive skills for reading the invite that said white party. I was already causing a scene, no need to stand out more in my green dress. I did a backseat change into my white frock but kept on Santa. That hat was keeping me sane!

The next 10 hours were a dream. We were greeted by Lucinda and Freddy, probably the most gorgeous couple I’ve ever met. Cindy kissed us and handed over champagne. Freddy gave a birthday speech filled with thanks and funny tidbits about his friends and family. When he gave me a shout out and thanks for extending my stay for his birthday, I knew the mornings airport drama was SO WORTH IT!

Freddy’s friends were all attractive and too much fun. Of course the Bresic girls knew half the boat and by the end of the trip we all had quite the bonding. I even got Stephen Rich to come join us at the “after boat party”! We got our place to stay when tipsy Gilda said, “Angie don’t forget to call your friend Stephen so we can ask if we can stay at his place tonight!” Stephen was sitting next to me when this was said. Good guy that he is, we still got to stay with him. I feel like I’m a party of Sydney – I mean part of Sydney. I’ve definitely made Sydney friends for life.

Realization: No matter how much it may seem the world is steering you towards disaster, just go with it and have a laugh. Janae dropped my dress in water, Aussies steered me towards the outback rather than the airport, the unnecessary taxis and flights were killing my budget, my shoes, credit card and technology didn’t want to stay with me, but life is still good. I’m on a boat

Your Moment:
Audrina Patridge
Veev
Special thanks to Christian Blencke for photos!