Destination: “I’m on a Boat”

Inspiration: Audrina Patridge was in Sydney recently and said: “Hiii…. When I was in Sydney we took a cruise around the harbor which is beautiful and also went to Bondi beach and had lunch at iceberg which was amazing!!!!”

Actualization: I haven’t even made the boat yet. I’m sitting here at the airport trying not to cry. I can’t really because everyone’s laughing at me. I’m wearing a santa hat I got at Sluttingham Palace last night. Slutttingham palace was described to me by a 22-year old girl as a place “owned by 3 old guys (um 35) who had parties to get girls.” She also thought I was 24. I’m thinking it was the hat, so I’ll keep it on and be 24.

My story: “I went to Sluttingham Palace and all I got was this Santa hat.” I actually got this sweatshirt too. I took it from the Sluttingham closet. New favorite out of business brand favored by the kings; Fake London Genius.

In the attempt to fulfill Audrina’s moment, the following has commenced…so far: 24 hours in Melbourne (even when I write it I say BORN, but for you Americans, the accent is on the MEL I’ve been told too many times now). I had a flight booked for noon to get to Sydney and go on a sunset boat ride. Woke up in my clothes from the night before and ran around throwing clothes in bags with a confetti sprinkle trailing me. If you aren’t going to be a slut at the palace at least create a costume I went in the bathroom as a confetti trail was falling out of my bra but the Santa hat was staying put. I grabbed Janae and we rushed out for the airport. Janae told me about 17 times. “Angie, I’ll drive you just get me directions to the airport.” I tried a Google search but it seemed easier to ask. We got three sets of directions and next thing you know we are in Dungaroo something, 40 minutes from the airport. Australians are the worst at directions…not only cabbies or people on the street. It’s the entire population. Serious.

I arrived to the airport 20 minutes after my flight standing about a mile from Jetstar’s check-in. I pulled my bags across 4 times before booking another flight on Virgin Blue. Note to self. Book Virgin Blue from now on. My blackberry had died and my shoes were falling off. I could feel eyes on me from all directions. Watching me lug bags in a Santa hat, wine-stained green dress, blue sweatshirt, smeared makeup and foofy hair. People smiled, pointed, laughed, or just hummed christmas songs at me. I wasn’t taking the hat off because it was the only thing keeping me from crying. I booked another flight. Bought a charger. I was able to stall the boat and get a later pickup thanks to the 911 trick. I didn’t believe it worked but had heard if you hit 911 your phone will automatically recharge for an extra 5 minutes. I felt this was a case of 911. Thanks Cade! I had a drink on the plane and was ready for the boat.

Lucinda and Freddy were celebrating his birthday on their friends boat and had invited me to join them. Lucinda is another result of my friendship with VeeV’s Courtney Reum. I had met her and Freddy once for dinner in LA, but we kept in touch. They are adorable and fun. Originally I thought there was no way I’d still be down under. Now it’s December 12th and we are rushing to Newport where they have the boat making a special stop at the wharf there to pick up me, Gilda, and Jacki Bresic. Thanks to Gilda’s quick driving skills, we made it on time. Thanks to Jacki’s attentive skills for reading the invite that said white party. I was already causing a scene, no need to stand out more in my green dress. I did a backseat change into my white frock but kept on Santa. That hat was keeping me sane!

The next 10 hours were a dream. We were greeted by Lucinda and Freddy, probably the most gorgeous couple I’ve ever met. Cindy kissed us and handed over champagne. Freddy gave a birthday speech filled with thanks and funny tidbits about his friends and family. When he gave me a shout out and thanks for extending my stay for his birthday, I knew the mornings airport drama was SO WORTH IT!

Freddy’s friends were all attractive and too much fun. Of course the Bresic girls knew half the boat and by the end of the trip we all had quite the bonding. I even got Stephen Rich to come join us at the “after boat party”! We got our place to stay when tipsy Gilda said, “Angie don’t forget to call your friend Stephen so we can ask if we can stay at his place tonight!” Stephen was sitting next to me when this was said. Good guy that he is, we still got to stay with him. I feel like I’m a party of Sydney – I mean part of Sydney. I’ve definitely made Sydney friends for life.

Realization: No matter how much it may seem the world is steering you towards disaster, just go with it and have a laugh. Janae dropped my dress in water, Aussies steered me towards the outback rather than the airport, the unnecessary taxis and flights were killing my budget, my shoes, credit card and technology didn’t want to stay with me, but life is still good. I’m on a boat

Your Moment:
Audrina Patridge
Veev
Special thanks to Christian Blencke for photos!

Destination: The Secret Life of Bugs of Moreton Bay in Melbourne, Australia

Inspiration: Spent a sick day in Melbourne watching movies and True Blood and caught footage of my friend Mehcad Brooks on the show!

Actualization: When I saw Mehcad on screen and heard the Aussies loved him, we figured it might not be a bad idea to ask for a moment. Mehcad said: “Try some Morton Bay Bugs…like lobster but better”. I thought I was being played, until I read it a 2nd time aloud sitting with Master Chef Sophie Cookes, who said, “Oh yeah. Moreton Bay bugs are DELICIOUS!” And when Sophie talks food with her strong Melbourne accent and authoritative nature, you just believe her. She’s a comic foodie for sure.

Anyway, after two days of sickness, what better way to recover than by eating some buys, right? Well I soon found out these “bugs” are actually a crustacean delicacy and according to BBC one of the foods to eat before you die. Whoop. Cross that one off the list.

The Moreton Bay Bug (Thenus Orientalis), also known as the Bay lobster, is a species of slipper lobster found throughout the waters of Australia’s north coast. It is a relatively expensive [citation needed] delicacy served in many restaurants in Queensland.

Tuesday turned into FINDING NEMO, as we set out to find Moreton Bay Bugs in Melbourne and ended up at Max’s clients restaurant. We sat at a table with a view of the bugs, wines and fire launches on the water behind us. A perfect finale to my exploration of Melbourne.

I like the bug, but it tasted a bit too fishy for me. Maybe it’s because I thought it would taste buggier?

Realization: After recovering from the (sick) bug and eating a bug, it was time for me to stop being a bedbug and go travel the coast!

Your moment:
Wikipedia.com/MoretonBayBug
Mechad Brooks
Waterfront Restaurant

I’d like to preface this excerpt that this was a night of Hammer and Ham…

Ben Schwerin, my well-traveled friend, always seems to send me to people who end up staying in my life no matter what country they are in, so when Ben said I should meet his friend Max Markson from Sydney I knew I had to get to it. Lucky for me Max happened to be in Melbourne with MC Hammer at the same time I was there for my quick stint. Max invited me and my new Melbourne socialite friends to come to Hammertime for XBOX360 after our dinner at Giusseppies. Giusseppies is a favorite of Jamie, DJ Prequel, and Max. Eating dinner with these young bachelors who grew up together was a trip for Jen, Janae and yours truly. The adorable Max (secret boyfriend to Janae) who couldn’t say a sentence without a grin slipping out by the end. When he said, “guys my day couldn’t have been worse….” somehow that grin still came out and you knew he just made fun out of life. Jamie, the hot one, who smiled and women drooled.  Jamie chose our dinner spot, made us reservations, and then had to go home…

Jamie couldn’t continue on because of an experience with one of the who was going to be at Hammer. He took her to a bar and left her there! Ha. We all know a Jamie and you just always want to keep him around.

DJ Prequel was the ham! He did every impression. We spent half the night naming countries and he would impersonate how women from that country would take a man to bed. It was like an instructional video. Russia-”You. There. Get on all fours. Take me now.”

While the boys continued to ham it up, I saw a shiny large object and like a three year old bolted to find out what it did. There in the middle of the restaurant was some sort of meat chopper. I was fascinated. Jonathan, the slicer, explained the $30,000 berkel and how it was used to cut hams. He showed me how he took the rump of the ham and put it on the teeth of the slicer and prepared the ham for diners. I don’t eat meat but I liked watching it cut to the bone.

Ham to hammer. Nothing makes me happier than hearing the reminiscent “2 legit. 2 legit to quit.” And “you’ve got to pray. Prayyy. Prayy. You’ve got to pray just to make it today!”

We boogied down and then Max Markson invited us back to the Park Hyatt where Hammer sang us lyrics from his upcoming album, Britney Spears partied in the private glass room next to us, and the Pussycat Dolls sang along to their song that came on at the hotel.

Three hams in one night and this was ready for bed and a new adventure. Off to Byron Bay.

Joel Madden quote: “And she should go to an aussie rules football game. I would tell her to see the melbourne cup but its already passed. That’s the thing to see.”

At first I thought Joel’s email had a typo but in fact it is called, “Aussie rules football”. DEFINITION: A variant of football played between two teams of 18 players, plus four interchange players, outdoors on large oval-shaped grass fields (often modified cricket fields), with a ball in the shape of a prolate spheroid.

I kind of happened upon Joel’s moment yesterday which made it even more fun. That morning I searched for a game to attend and realized the football season for 09 was up. Went for my now routine run for the day and happened upon a trifecta of sport’s arenas and decided it was time to get creative for a moment.

Jen and I walked around the entire MRC stadium where they hold cricket, football and rugby matches. We took pictures imitating the statues of the great sport’s heroes of Melbourne. I chatted up security and ground’s crew trying to persuade my way in.  Finally at GATE 3 my Angie Charm worked as I got a secret grin from the security there. I explained that I needed to take a picture while I visualized a football game down in the arena. As he opened up the rope and tried to keep up his serious guard air, he said, “Okay I’ll take you down for photos.” I know he loved every minute of watching Jen and I run around taking photos in different seats and posing around the field. We even got Jonathan to be photographer for a few.

Jen found this quote on the wall as we walked out – “Moments that made us”. This captured the essence of today:)