MC Hammer: “Hammertime at Billboard. 9pm tonight.”
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MC Hammer: “Hammertime at Billboard. 9pm tonight.”

mc-hammerI’d like to pmcccreface this excerpt that this was a night of Hammer and Ham…

Ben Schwerin, my well-traveled friend, always seems to send me to people who end up staying in my life no matter what country they are in, so when Ben said I should meet his friend Max Markson from Sydney I knew I had to get to it. Lucky for me Max happened to be in Melbourne with MC Hammer at the same time I was there for my quick stint. Max invited me and my new Melbourne socialite friends to come to Hammertime for XBOX360 after our dinner at Giusseppies. Giusseppies is a favorite of Jamie, DJ Prequel, and Max. Eating dinner with these young bachelors who grew up together was a trip for Jen, Janae and yours truly. The adorable Max (secret boyfriend to Janae) who couldn’t say a sentence without a grin slipping out by the end. When he said, “guys my day couldn’t have been worse….” somehow that grin still came out and you knew he just made fun out of life. Jamie, the hot one, who smiled and women drooled.  Jamie chose our dinner spot, made us reservations, and then had to go home…

Jamie couldn’t continue on because of an experience with one of the who was going to be at Hammer. He took her to a bar and left her there! Ha. We all know a Jamie and you just always want to keep him around.

DJ Prequel was the ham! He did every impression. We spent half the night naming countries and he would impersonate how women from that country would take a man to bed. It was like an instructional video. Russia-“You. There. Get on all fours. Take me now.”

hamWhile the boys continued to ham it up, I saw a shiny large object and like a three year old bolted to find out what it did. There in the middle of the restaurant was some sort of meat chopper. I was fascinated. Jonathan, the slicer, explained the $30,000 berkel and how it was used to cut hams. He showed me how he took the rump of the ham and put it on the teeth of the slicer and prepared the ham for diners. I don’t eat meat but I liked watching it cut to the bone.

Ham to hammer. Nothing makes me happier than hearing the reminiscent “2 legit. 2 legit to quit.” And “you’ve got to pray. Prayyy. Prayy. You’ve got to pray just to make it today!”

We boogied down and then Max Markson invited us back to the Park Hyatt where Hammer sang us lyrics from his upcoming album, Britney Spears partied in the private glass room next to us, and the Pussycat Dolls sang along to their song that came on at the hotel.

Three hams in one night and this was ready for bed and a new adventure. Off to Byron Bay.

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