Destination: The Female of the Species

Geffen Playhouse

10886 Le Conte Avenue

Los Angeles, CA 90024-3021

(310) 208-5454

Inspiration: The ever-inspirational David Arquette and his charity of choice Feeding America.  David is Chairman of Feeding America’s Entertainment Council.

David and Joel

Actualization: I went to go see David in his play with my friends from Feeding America, including Joel Goldman, my favorite boss.  The Female of the Species

Here’s a quick recap of what this female has to say about The Female of the Species:

1. David Arquette plays a dufus hedge-fund investor with a fun twist of physical comedy.

Side note: I googled “physical comedy” and the first video that came up was:

Zach Galifianakis on physical comedy

PS You’ll see the irony in our friend Zach later.

2. One of my favorite lines in the play and just one example of David’s character’s comedic misquotes: Bryan (David Arquette) “I love you Tess. You know I’ve always mounted you on a pedestal.”

3. Each character shows us a darker hidden side at one point in the play. Quiet cabbie Frank (Josh Stamberg) goes into hot tyrade when he starts describing how men should treat women. He “exuded the man” as Janae would say. “Women want a man who knows how to handle two things for them really, really well: Foreplay. And taxes.”

4. Joanna Murray Smith, the playwright is an Aussie. She based the story on an experience of her Australian friend.  I heart that.

Today I have writer’s block in the worst way.  Worse than Margot Mason (Annette Bening) did in the play. Margot was a famous author of feminist self-help books like The Cerebral Vagina.

I thought I was genius last night after 3 or maybe 4 “4 Aces” at the Roger Room when I labeled my three new friends who had just arrived to LA from a trip that started in Vegas.

Bradley Cooper-the hot one (Nick, Don’t ask how I got your picture…)

Zach Galifinekous

and the one who lost a tooth (he had all his teeth and wasn’t so amused)

And now today my “genius” is gone  - as I described that species and what now encompasses me – The Hangover.

All I want to do is go for a run and prepare for another night of Oscar fun.

Realization: This morning as I wrote this James Cameron said on Inside the Actor’s Studio, “I’m not a good writer.  I don’t really like to do it. For me it’s a task.”  Everyone gets writer’s block.  Sometimes you need a good Hangover to stop the block.

Your Moment:

Donate to Feeding America

The Female of the Species

Written by Joanna Murray-Smith

Directed by Randall Arney

February 2 – March 14, 2010

Academy Award nominee Annette Bening returns to the Geffen Playhouse in this wildly wicked farce. Watch and laugh as a famed feminist author’s retreat is rudely and hilariously interrupted by a host of unexpected guests: a disgruntled student, an impatient cabbie, her longtime publisher, her overlooked daughter and simplistic son-in-law. Writer’s block has never been so funny!

Call 310.208.5454 or select a performance date below for tickets!

Featuring: David Arquette, Annette Bening, Mireille Enos, Julian Sands, Josh Stamberg and Merritt Wever

Performance Notes: The Female of the Species is a 95 minute comedy with no intermission and contains mature language.

Press:

LA Times

LA Weekly

Destination: Animal and Miami or Miami Animal

Inspiration: Kim Murphy turns 31 – “I am so excited to have my bday dinner with you guys!
We have reservations at Animal at 7:15PM
Animal is located at 435 N Fairfax Ave. It’s across the street from The Dime.”

Actualization: Desperate for travel, football, and a challenge, I was craving adventure. Kim’s 31st sparked memories of my 31st travels so I booked a free flight to the SuperBowl with my United miles. No clue if I’d have a ticket to the game but I knew I’d be with my kind – fans, superfans, animals, and mascots.

Thursday night – Animals and party animals.  The fun begins.  Birthday Animal, Kim Murphy turns 31 and we have her birthday dinner at Animal.  There were no Saints at that table but definitely Miami fans and Kim prepared me for the town with her knowledge of the city, her home to sleep and some practice drinking for her 31st.

Laura, Kim and Nisha

Friday – Fans and Superfans.  I made the 6am flight after Frustrated Fan Rembrandt called me 9 times between 4:30 and 5, called my brother for the address, pulled up in a taxi, and broke into my house to wake me up.  We caught up on sleep on the plane, and arrived in Miami with time to drop bags at the Shoreclub room of Superfan Rhiannon.

Me and Rhi

Rem, me and Jen

When traveling low budget, it’s always important to plan on inopportune flight times, mulitple sleepovers and constant change of plan.  I couldn’t even remember if I’d packed shoes but would have been happy with just flippy floppies for this trip!

Jen and I and our esspresso martinis

Friday Night began and ended at the W Hotel.  Saints fan Jen Birn and I had cocktails in the lounge and popped by room 1003 to see the view. Super(naked)fan Kives gave us a view alright….

 

Super Fan Kives

Next we hit the Audi party where we drank champagne and mingled inside as a steady downpour of rain trailed the sides of the windows along the penthouse at the W. The room was an attractive one so we didn’t mind-Kellan Lutz, Rob Lowe, Taylor Lautner, Jessica Alba.

Travel Job of the Day (and my favorite guest of the night) –  Audi’s CCO Jeff Kuhlman travels with media to try the new vehicles on roads all over the world.  He recently drove with a group of 20 from the middle of Australia up to the Northwest corner.  What a way to see the country with three days of driving and tents, can you imagine?  He flew in from a Spain roadtrip the day before.

Miami Day 2/Saturday – The rain had cleared.  It was a perfect morning for a run on the boardwalk followed by a day with the mascots at the DIRECTV Celebrity Beach Bowl.  We were Team Kellan in the corner. I loved that his friends had his name spelled out on posterboards to cheer him to victory. For me though, I couldn’t concentrate on the game, I just kept getting distracted by the mascots.

From mascots back to animals…Next highlight of the night was at the Miami home of Director, Michael Bay. The house was gorgeous and we entered into the party by crossing a pond out front, walking on squares of land that crossed in a diagonal pattern leading up to the entrance of his two-story home. The entire front was glass allowing us to see the roomful of guests but it wasn’t long before I found myself cold and ready to find someone to warm me up or head to the Maxim party.  I found that someone …nope not Michael Bay – Michael Bay’s Dog, Mason and well, yes, Michael Bay was there too!  Mason was def the hunk of burning love at that party and the burning love wasn’t sticking around so we headed out to burning loins Maxim. That sounds dirty but you know what I mean, it’s Maxim.

Realization: Superbowl time makes me reminiscent of college football fans and games. I thrive on that energy this weekend was buzzing with it. WHO DAT…to be continued….

Destination: Dear John Premiere at Graumann’s Chinese Theatre, Hollywood, CA

Inspiration: Brooke Blumberg “Do you want a ticket to the Premiere of ‘Dear John’? No reviews Angie.”   

Actualization: Hollywood premieres are always fun. Munching on free popcorn, cheering when the actor’s names flash on the screen, getting all dressed up, and watching little teen girls take pictures with their idols.

Best part is being with the people who poured their blood, sweat and tears into a project and feeling just an ounce of how that accomplishment touches them.
Reminds me of going to my brother Adam’s basketball games and  brother JJ’s plays growing up.
Dear John, If you ever have the chance to experience someone else’s moments with them, don’t pass it up.

I got to experience that moment with some of my favorite people who I felt lucky to have had moments with in the past. Below is a review of my travel memories with them, along with a little Liz(one of my movie dates) commentary!

Channing Tatum:

Liz quote: Dear John“He once inadvertantly brushed against my upper thigh and it was one of the most erotic moments of my life”

Travel trip: To the screaming tweens at Graumans and Liz, Channing is the new boy crush, but to me, he is the dude I had the time of my life with in the Bahamas for the opening of Cain at the Cove, Atlantis.
Watching his larger than life persona on massive movie screen as he romanced Amanda Seyfriend reminded me of the love affair between him and Jenna on the Bahama beaches.

Scott Porter:

Liz quote: Dear Johnnnnnn “I remember he had the dance moves from that one trip!”

Travel trip: I brought Scott backstage to see N.E.R.D. Perform at Austin City Limits a few years ago. That was a moment where I had to explain to backstage security that he and friends were all cast members from Friday Night Lights. It wasn’t long before everyone realized and Scott was surrounded by Texans. I felt like I accomplished my “in” when I got them past! Best part was that at that music festival we had the best time laughing and dancing outside VIP. Austin TX is a dream to visit especially for a music festival!

DJ Cotrona:

Liz (and well most of my friends who’ve met him) quote: Dear Dear John ”Very cute!”

Travel trip: DJ is very quiet and unassuming. On screen you’d never know it but even in crazy Vegas for the Killers concert at the Hard Rock he was pretty low key…yet always with a certain shy charm.

Keith Robinson:

Liz quote (when we said hi to him post movie): D-D-De-Dear John! “Lets get this party started?” Liz was ready for wine at the afterparty.

Travel trip: Commander Keith in the movie reminded me of Kentucky Derby Keith. Keith led his troop of reps to the afterparty.

Richard Jenkins:

Liz quote: Dear Daddy John “Angie he reminds me so much of your dad!” I don’t really know Richard but I do know he seems to be similar to Dad Banicki. Bald with a welcoming, calm demeanor. Richard also grew up in the same town where Guy Banicki went to college. Dekalb Illinois…maybe that’s also why I was so emotional in the father/son scenes.

There's Dad....you see it, right?

Travel Trip: Premiere afterparty, H-Wood. Alana, Liz and I spent most of our time at the afterparty searching for…yup Daddy Jenkins. We didn’t find him but after his meatloaf and lasagna scenes in the movie, we decided to leave the after party when Alana said, “It looks like the Dad cooked the food here. Let’s go meet the girls elsewhere.”

As we exited for home we passed one more character from the movie-Henry Thomas (the little boy from ET!)

Our quote: ET PHONE HOME!

Alana’s premiere disney moment: Since Alana was placed across the aisle from us it became our mission to figure out who the blond in the purple dress sitting next to her and signing autographs could possibly be. Every little girl in the theater had come over to meet Blondie.  I ran to try and take a sly photo but of course the sweet girl looked at Alana questionably.  The rest is history as Alana and Tiffany Thornton bonded over popcorn and we watched her and kermit this morning online.

Tiffany Thornton

Actualization: Never pass on an invite to a big hollywood premiere… (do pass on movie inspired cuisine at the buffet) and remember usually how you experience real life moments, even when not glamourous, is what can make them seem larger than life.

Destination: Australia All Over

Inspiration: Secret Actor texted me (he’s hot and a legend as the Aussies say!): Have someone go down under

Actualization: So this is my Best of the Rest part 2 for those of you who go down under to Australia!

UP IN THE AIR Director, Jason Reitman: Enjoy Australia. The zoo in Sydney is beautiful and if they’re playing right now, you owe it to yourself to check out an Aussie rules football game.

Dexter’s Julie Benz: Go to the Great Barrier Reef… You have to see it!!! And the Sydney zoo is a lot of fun:) and there is a great flea market in Sydney on the weekends with lots of cool stuff…. And go to an outdoor movie!!

Jesse Lutz and Cameron Diaz: Culture: Moonlight Cinema is amazing if the weather is great, google it and you can see whats on. Its amazing watching old films under the stars overlooking the harbour

Actor/Producer Jake Hoffman: I’ve never been, but my brother went and went bungee jumping! I dare you!!!!!!!!

Desperate Housewive’s Sharon Lawrence: Here ya go. Have some one teach you to play the diggery do and make sure to video the lesson. That’s so Aussie and something you should only try under professional supervision. We brought a magnificent one home from our Fijian/Sydney honeymoon and cant play it at all!

H&S Grey Gooser, Danielle Lew: Drink VB (short for Victoria Bitter – it’s the local beer that’s made in the state)

Comedian Jon Lovitz: I’ve never been there but I hear Perth is beautiful!!!

Musician Jaron Lowenstein: Find something so beautiful either externally or discovered within that makes you cry. I don’t have tangible suggestions because those don’t mean anything to me except that they can be conduits to emotion. Find something beautiful about yourself that you didn’t know before. And tell me what it is. Have a wonderful inspired trip.J

Publicist Liz Keen: Eat a “pie” at Harry’s Cafe de Wheels – Sydney

Actor, Robert Ri’Chard: Go to the Whitsundays if possible on a 2-3day sailboat tour. U’ll get hit on by the 26yr old Firstmates during the night. They’ll take you to the most photographed beach in the world. Prettiest beach on the planet. Make sure you go topless (it’s what all the Sports Illustrated Supermodels do) It’s quite liberating. Port Douglas: Take the Quiksilver II Boat Tour to Great Barrier and see an amazing underwater experience

Jeff Probst: Find a local to teach you how to play the didgeridoo then buy one and ship it home.  They’re great fun to have around the house and definitely a conversation piece and they are indigenous to Australia.

I actually took Probst’s advice partially and had the most amazing experience learning about the didgeridoo and the history of the aboriginals in Australia. (I didn’t ship it home!) You can see for yourself here - http://www.indijnarts.com.au/

Kathy Najimy: You are spectacular!  Happy Birthday doll and have a splendid time in Australia!! We love Melbourne- where are you staying?  There is a theatre/performing arts festival there you will love!
oxoxo Kathy Ann

Realization: I still am dreaming of my time in Australia and cannot wait to go back!

Former Jet Jim Hudson

Destination: Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego California

Inspiration: Cade Hudson “Wanna go watch football? My Dad got me tickets to see the New York Jets vs San Diego Chargers Playoff game!”

Actualization: Who needs the Golden Globes when you can sit with 70,000 die-hard football fans…and probably 75 percent of them competitive dudes? The 2.5 hour drive went by in a flash with Cade entertaining.  We ordered from a local drive-up, ate churros and sang Britney Spears…I also learned Cade did a sick Selena impression.

Katharine McPhee killed it singing the Star Spangled banner.  I got the chills.  Made me want to throw on the mascot suit and charge the field like I was back at Northwestern with all the drunk fans.

Willie the Wildcat

Cade and I were pleasantly surprised when they sent us to the “special circumstances elevator” to head to our seats.  We found our seats in the pressbox. Thanks Dad! Former Jet Jim Hudson apparently scored us the seats through his friend at the Chargers so we were green in a sea of blue!  We drank beer and cheered on.  The Charger fans around us didn’t find any humor in our green outfits…except for the two dudes to my right who were told to hide their true (green colors) under the blue!

So Cade and I did what we do best…we socialized.  We visited Katharine McPhee in her suite and then Matt Nordgren who was watching with a group of older men who seemed to LIVE for SUNDAY FOOTBALL.

Realization: I was reminded of a good lesson for 2010 – Not drinking is kind of amazing when everyone else around you is getting drunk.  I loved bonding time on the drive with Cade and Sunday Football is still a Sunday Funday with or without the booze.

Katharine NcPhee, Jim Hudson, Willie the Willdcat, Matt Nortdgren

Destination: V Australia

Inspiration: V Australia finally takes me home….I changed my flight 4 times before finally heading back to Los Angeles!   I was incredibly lucky to fly in style…First Class since I had worked an event for V last year. A full bar, bed for a seat, and enough movies to fly around the world twice, I was in heaven for my 13 hour trip.

Actualization: BEST OF THE REST: PART 1

I used my flight time to gather moments to share.
Below is a sampling of some inspiring and outrageously fun tips I was dying to experience but couldn’t since I ran out of time and money this trip!

If you go to OZ you should try these and just don’t pick up the Aussie mumble!
Just throw on your sunnies, put on your summer feet and get amongst it. Cheers mate!

Aussie TV Presenter/ Actor, Jason Dundas:
‘Lay under the stars by the rock’
Experience true Australian magic at the Longitude 131 hotel.

Gavin Degraw:
Rent a Subaru and drive the Outback!

TV Host and Model Tyson Beckford:

Go to a lil club called ssssh.

Celebrity Chef Rocco Dispirito:
God I wish I had my own experience to share with you but Australia is still on my to do list as well! Sounds like its gonna be fun no matter what! Oh and I’m a diver, I say try it.  Its a life altering experience.  Australia has legendary reefs for 100’s of miles.  Maybe reconsider?

Producer and Stylist Robin Garvick:
Dinner at North Bondi Italian. (Order the Blood Orange and Vodka)
The markets are incredible on Sat and Sundays
Go to Ruby Rabbit if it is still there, go upstairs. Be sure to check out the bathroom. It’s my favorite place to pee on the planet*

Veev’s Kasey Blaustein:
You have to camp out on Fraiser Island. I went in ‘04 with some friends and our car broke down. You have to get your car above a certain point on the beach by a certain time of the day or else water can creep into the car and you’re screwed. Anyways we had to contact the only auto mechanic on the island who was certifiably insane. No joke. We had to go to his house, he yelled at himself, his place was like a scene from Hoarders. He actually grabbed a camera out of my friend’s hand and threw it on the floor when she went to take a picture of it all. He couldn’t fix our car so we had to stay at his house OR sleep outside unprotected to be eaten by dingos. I was very close to sleeping with the dingos. He had scratched out all the faces of women in the magazines in his house and had really dirty utensils and it was straight out of a horror film. We all slept in one bed with his kitchen knives under the pillow.  Needless the say we made it out alive but I had another friend that had a run in with him too and at that point he had a camel living in his back yard. I dare you to find him, give him a visit and even stay a night in his guest house. He’s the only auto mechanic on the island. Good luck and bring pepper spray!

Charley Walters
If you want to go straight to airlie, catch a cheap flight up to Cairns and drive DOWN from there… but first go to another place called “Cape Tribulation” (they call it “cape trib”) which is the most beautiful spot I’ve ever seen in my life (seriously, its where the Daintree Rainforest meets the Great Barrier Reef) – either way you will want to fly one way, it takes too long to drive both ways.  You can also take a bus called McGafferty’s which stops at all the best places, and you can get on/get off when ever you choose- as I’m sure you’ve already learned there the attitude is always “no worries” and it seems there are barely any laws!

Realization: As hard as sharing can be, it usually ends up being more rewarding than keeping something for yourself!  Don’t be a monkey – prove me right and go see the wizard behind the curtain of OZ!

Your Moment:
V Australia

Longitude 131 Hotel

Subaru

North Bondi Italian

Veev

McGafferty’s

Destination: Great Barrier Reef

Inspiration: Donald Sutherland.  Need I say more?

Donald Sutherland “the Great Barrier Reef? If that’s where you’ll be go out in the water on a boat to the ‘Potato Hole’. Just from the boat, without even going in, you can see more fish than you can imagine. But swim. Dive. Even the sharks out there are pretty tame. If you’re a good diver you can go down the cliff on the sea side of the reef. That apparently is fantastic. I’m too old to dive. Fifty’s the safe age limit. Beware of the predators that are all over the place. The Box Jellies and the Irukandji. They’re very poisonous jelly fish, and they’re all over the waters up north now that our man produced CO2 is lowering the Ph of the oceans and the invertebrates are taking over. Keep an eye peeled for the salt water crocodile; they go out to the reef to mate and then they lie on the beaches on shore and pretend they’re a log until you sit on one and they eat you….”

Actualization: Donald sent me to dive and I dove…as a snorkeler.  It was worth being a snorkeler that day for the following 4:

1- Risk decompression sickness if you fly within 24 hours of diving.  I was originally scheduled to fly out the next day….so snorkel was safe and just as fun!

2- Less money to snorkel and as my trip was coming to an end, I was happy to cut where I could.

3- More sea creatures – in my snorkeling crew. Pretty sure I saw more than the divers AND got to talk while I was exploring;)  I swam with a sea turtle. I was close enough to touch a meat-eating shark – the white tippery.  Our cute snorkel instructor would bring different sea creatures up to the water’s surface and tell us about them.  He’d answered all my silly questions like, “what were those fish doing when they jabbed their mouths at one another fast?” Cute British accent, “Haha. Doll. Those were parrot fish- fornicating.”

4- Cute young instructor was my fav part of the reef.  As I’ve frequently mentioned, the people make the moments for me.  In this case, it was the people and the organisms.  Donald being the inspiration. Sean being my cute guide who introduced me to all the beautiful creatures of the sea. The next day, despite the fact that I discovered he was the ripe young age of 19, I still wasn’t able to control the kissing bandit.

The Great Barrier Reef is home to over 1500 species of fish.

What else did we find at the reef? Donald, no crocs or web spiders, however I did see…

Coral – in every color from blue to pink to cabbage patch-like lettuce.  Examining the coral with the rays of sunlight shining through the blue water was magical.
Maori Wrasse- I got to pet this slimy blue one.  Maori can change from female to male halfway through life.

Maori Wrasse

Sea cucumber- we saw and touched 3 of 18 different kinds
Zeitan- Spunky fish with a hole
School of yellowtail, Parrot fish, zebra fish, and starfish

Realization: I forgot how much I love the water.  Something about the water just makes me happy and makes the kissing bandit happy too.  Thanks Donald.

Your Moment:

Donald Sutherland’s entire email:

Where are you going? The north east coast? Port Douglas? Surfer’s Paradise? The Great Barrier Reef? If that’s where you’ll be go out in the water on a boat to the ‘Potato Hole’. Just from the boat, without even going in, you can see more fish than you can imagine. But swim. Dive. Even the sharks out there are pretty tame. If you’re a good diver you can go down the cliff on the sea side of the reef. That apparently is fantastic. I’m too old to dive. Fifty’s the safe age limit. Beware of the predators that are all over the place. The Box Jellies and the Irukandji. They’re very poisonous jelly fish, and they’re all over the waters up north now that our man produced CO2 is lowering the Ph of the oceans and the invertebrates are taking over. Keep an eye peeled for the salt water crocodile; they go out to the reef to mate and then they lie on the beaches on shore and pretend they’re a log until you sit on one and they eat you. The Funnel Web Spider is fatal. Jumps up in your face. Nocturnal. Falls into your pool sometimes when it’s foraging and as soon as it hits the water shoots out a diaphanous bubble that immediately encloses it and gives it enough air to breathe while it lies in fear and trembling at the bottom of the pool. Hard to see. Don’t step on it. You die. Mostly kills little kids. And the snakes, the Death Adder, the Tiger Snake, the Brown Snake, killers all. They’re in the garden between where you live and the beach so keep an eye out when you walk through. Go to Fraser Island. All sand. They issue you with a Sutherland Tourniquet there because they’ve got a lot of snakes and the venom goes up your epidermis, not intravenously, and that tourniquet with the cute name will stop it from getting up to your heart and brain. High boots are useful too. The Australians, once drunk, are probably the most ruthlessly predatory of all the creatures. New Zealand is exactly the opposite. Sydney’s beautiful, Melbourne, Ayres Rock is out there. Look at the Aboriginal Art. Beautiful. Foster’s Lager. Penfold’s Wine costs a fortune. The white chardonnay from New Zealand, Oyster Bay, is pretty reliable. Barbecues. There are fish stores that you can walk in, select your fish, hand it over and they’ll put it on the ‘Barbie’ and you eat it outside. Won’t let dogs into the country. When Noel Coward went there the very strict customs and immigration asked him if he had a criminal record and he replied, “Oh, I didn’t know you still needed one to come here.” Have a wonderful time. Make out a will before you go. Lots of love, Donald

Fool’s Gold
Donald Sutherland
Whitsunday Islands

Destination: “I’m on a Boat”

Inspiration: Audrina Patridge was in Sydney recently and said: “Hiii…. When I was in Sydney we took a cruise around the harbor which is beautiful and also went to Bondi beach and had lunch at iceberg which was amazing!!!!”

Actualization: I haven’t even made the boat yet. I’m sitting here at the airport trying not to cry. I can’t really because everyone’s laughing at me. I’m wearing a santa hat I got at Sluttingham Palace last night. Slutttingham palace was described to me by a 22-year old girl as a place “owned by 3 old guys (um 35) who had parties to get girls.” She also thought I was 24. I’m thinking it was the hat, so I’ll keep it on and be 24.

My story: “I went to Sluttingham Palace and all I got was this Santa hat.” I actually got this sweatshirt too. I took it from the Sluttingham closet. New favorite out of business brand favored by the kings; Fake London Genius.

In the attempt to fulfill Audrina’s moment, the following has commenced…so far: 24 hours in Melbourne (even when I write it I say BORN, but for you Americans, the accent is on the MEL I’ve been told too many times now). I had a flight booked for noon to get to Sydney and go on a sunset boat ride. Woke up in my clothes from the night before and ran around throwing clothes in bags with a confetti sprinkle trailing me. If you aren’t going to be a slut at the palace at least create a costume I went in the bathroom as a confetti trail was falling out of my bra but the Santa hat was staying put. I grabbed Janae and we rushed out for the airport. Janae told me about 17 times. “Angie, I’ll drive you just get me directions to the airport.” I tried a Google search but it seemed easier to ask. We got three sets of directions and next thing you know we are in Dungaroo something, 40 minutes from the airport. Australians are the worst at directions…not only cabbies or people on the street. It’s the entire population. Serious.

I arrived to the airport 20 minutes after my flight standing about a mile from Jetstar’s check-in. I pulled my bags across 4 times before booking another flight on Virgin Blue. Note to self. Book Virgin Blue from now on. My blackberry had died and my shoes were falling off. I could feel eyes on me from all directions. Watching me lug bags in a Santa hat, wine-stained green dress, blue sweatshirt, smeared makeup and foofy hair. People smiled, pointed, laughed, or just hummed christmas songs at me. I wasn’t taking the hat off because it was the only thing keeping me from crying. I booked another flight. Bought a charger. I was able to stall the boat and get a later pickup thanks to the 911 trick. I didn’t believe it worked but had heard if you hit 911 your phone will automatically recharge for an extra 5 minutes. I felt this was a case of 911. Thanks Cade! I had a drink on the plane and was ready for the boat.

Lucinda and Freddy were celebrating his birthday on their friends boat and had invited me to join them. Lucinda is another result of my friendship with VeeV’s Courtney Reum. I had met her and Freddy once for dinner in LA, but we kept in touch. They are adorable and fun. Originally I thought there was no way I’d still be down under. Now it’s December 12th and we are rushing to Newport where they have the boat making a special stop at the wharf there to pick up me, Gilda, and Jacki Bresic. Thanks to Gilda’s quick driving skills, we made it on time. Thanks to Jacki’s attentive skills for reading the invite that said white party. I was already causing a scene, no need to stand out more in my green dress. I did a backseat change into my white frock but kept on Santa. That hat was keeping me sane!

The next 10 hours were a dream. We were greeted by Lucinda and Freddy, probably the most gorgeous couple I’ve ever met. Cindy kissed us and handed over champagne. Freddy gave a birthday speech filled with thanks and funny tidbits about his friends and family. When he gave me a shout out and thanks for extending my stay for his birthday, I knew the mornings airport drama was SO WORTH IT!

Freddy’s friends were all attractive and too much fun. Of course the Bresic girls knew half the boat and by the end of the trip we all had quite the bonding. I even got Stephen Rich to come join us at the “after boat party”! We got our place to stay when tipsy Gilda said, “Angie don’t forget to call your friend Stephen so we can ask if we can stay at his place tonight!” Stephen was sitting next to me when this was said. Good guy that he is, we still got to stay with him. I feel like I’m a party of Sydney – I mean part of Sydney. I’ve definitely made Sydney friends for life.

Realization: No matter how much it may seem the world is steering you towards disaster, just go with it and have a laugh. Janae dropped my dress in water, Aussies steered me towards the outback rather than the airport, the unnecessary taxis and flights were killing my budget, my shoes, credit card and technology didn’t want to stay with me, but life is still good. I’m on a boat

Your Moment:
Audrina Patridge
Veev
Special thanks to Christian Blencke for photos!

Destination: Streets of Brisbane, Australia

Inspiration: James Franco: “Brisbane. The beach or the hippy place where you can see whales. Forget the name”

Actualization: It’s not whale season, you say? Who cares? Tell me to see whales and I’ll show you whales. James Franco moment turns Mission Pineapple Express in Brisbane. As you read the below, note some fav quotes from the movie and how they paralleled our trip. Except we don’t have pot to use as an excuse.

Janae and I realize we aren’t finding real whale watching as James suggested. Instead, we are going to have to have to get creative. I say let’s go on a scavenger hunt in Brisbane and find hippies and whales!

Janae says yes, but that we’re going to do it Pineapple Express style. Of course this saves our day. I pulled my favorite quotes from the movie as they corresponded with our adventure.

Dale Denton: I’m here to save my best friend… I’ve got an idea! Rub your wrists against my belt buckle!
[Saul does. It looks like humping]
Dale Denton: I’m gonna save you, man!
Saul: [Grinds against Dale] Yeah! Yeah!
Dale Denton: Let me save you!

Janae is a true friend and photographs the search. She’s been my Aussie BFFF:

Saul: BFFF?
Dale Denton: Best F**kin’ Friends Forever, man!
Saul: Holy cock!
Red: Thug life!

We start with the police station.. This policewoman prints out maps for me and then these police guys point me towards tourism.

Dale Denton: [after explaining everything that's happened] Do you believe me?
Police Liaison Officer: I don’t know. Give me a minute. It was a woman or a man cop?
Dale Denton: It was a policewoman. It was a woman.
Police Liaison Officer: Oh, I think I know who that bitch was.
Dale Denton: Yes, I will identify that bi*ch!

I’m a little embarrassed by my tennies and dress attire at the tourism spot:

Budlofsky: [Matheson is smoking weed] No, I can’t. My wife can always tell. She can smell it on my sweater.
Matheson: [laughs] You want my vest? It smell good.
Budlofsky: It’s not my style.
Matheson: You ain’t got no style, muthaf**ka.

We get hungry and get smoothies midsearch.

Saul: Enjoy your last meal.
[throws bills at Dale]
Saul: Here, super size it, bitch.
[throws change]

We find the whales as directed by the museum worker, AKA Seth Rogen as shown below! He tries to talk to me about where I can find more hippies. I don’t understand where and how I’ll get to the hippies because again Aussies don’t know how to describe walking or driving directions.

Saul: Let’s roll, man! I’m done with the woods! Let’s go! C’mon, man, let’s get the f**k outta here!
Dale Denton: [sarcastically] Okay… Uhh let’s go… No… It’s not working… the battery’s dead.
Saul: Wait…! What do you mean, it’s dead?
Dale Denton: [laughing] What do I mean? I mean the battery’s dead. The battery’s dead!
Saul: No, no! What do you mean, the battery’s dead?
Dale Denton: How can I explain this to you differently? The battery is dead. It ceased to live. It’s deceased now. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.
Saul: [frustrated sigh] How did this happen?
Dale Denton: Well we clearly fell asleep with the battery on and-…
Saul: Aw, man… Talk radio?
Dale Denton: Yes, talk radio.
Saul: So boring, man! The car just committed suicide.

We find SAUL!!!! (aka. James Franco lookalike in a café in hippy town!) He has no clue what we are talking about when we mention Pineapple Express.

Saul: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend… you didn’t say anything back.
Dale Denton: Well, that’s easy. It’s because we’re not friends. You are my drug dealer. The only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn’t sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn’t be here right now. I would be fantastic!
Saul: Oh.
Dale Denton: I’m sorry, that sounded really mean… just to hear that, that sounded really mean.
Saul: No, I see. The monkey’s out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That’s not even… a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can’t go back into the box – he only comes out.

I get us lost as we go back to get the photo with the whales. We eventually find it though:

Saul: Man, why’d we have to go to the woods?
Dale Denton: Well you didn’t come up with any ideas!
Saul: Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno’s

Time for dinner. Let’s find a good spot to eat. Our feet hurt and we think about hitchhiking.

Saul: Hey, look: it’s like my thumb is my cock.
Dale Denton: That’s not gonna get us a ride, man..

When I get hungry and premenstrual, I lose focus on the moment and want to punch Janae. She wants to punch me too. We both hold it in:

Red: Why don’t you follow his lead and just chill out, man?
Dale Denton: I’m chill. I’m chill as a cucumber, man.
Red: You don’t seem chill.
Dale Denton: I’m more chill than you.
Red: You’re more chill than me?
Dale Denton: Yeah.
Red: Look what I’m wearing. Kimono, dog. What’re you wearing?
Dale Denton: A suit.
Red: Yeah, exactly. I don’t know what’s up with you, but I don’t know if I like you.
Dale Denton: Well, I don’t know if I like you either, man.
Red: Well, that’s your loss ’cause I’m a great friend.

Janae, like Red, is even more upset because Max isn’t around. At least I have a moment…

Red: [before saving Saul] I can’t do this. I’m sorry, man. I can’t do this. I’m infected. My shit’s all f**ked up. I need medical attention.
Dale Denton: What do you mean you can’t – I thought we just got all pumped up! What was that all about?
Red: Dude, Ted is a f**king murderer! I can’t f**k with him! I got a wife, man! She’s gonna be out of jail soon. I wanna f**k her! I wanna have sex with her! I am not gonna wake up murdered tomorrow.
Dale Denton: Oh, no! Come on, this could be your moment of redemption!
Red: F**k that. This’ll be your moment.

We find the perfect restaurant. The dude at the counter sucks in a deep breath while crinkling his eyes and opening his mouth with teeth together. BIG PET PEEVE OF MINE and says, “Sorry. We don’t serve food for another hour.”

Ken: [to Ted and Dale] You, suck my balls. Two times!

We find our dinner spot, fill our tummy’s and review the day of finding Saul, Dale, whales and FOOD. Thank god! We bond again.

Dale Denton: [talking about his girlfriend] I go visit her in high school and all the guys she goes to school with are, like, strong and handsome and really, like, funny and do good impressions of Jeff Goldblum and shit like that. And, like, I just feel like a fat, dumb f**kin’ stinky-ass turd when I’m there.
Saul: What?
Dale Denton: It sucks for my ego.
Saul: F**k Jeff Goldblum, man!

Realization: We all have our moments!

Saul: You lied to me.
Red: I did. I lied big time to you.
Saul: Dale said that that you didn’t even have herpes, and I said that you did.
Red: Honestly, like, from now on, just, like, from everything that we’ve gone through, from, like, seeing this f**kin’ asshole’s nuts smashed with my Daewoo, I want to be a better friend to you. I really do.
Saul: I f**kin’ love you, dog. I f**kin’ love you.
Red: I wanna be inside you, homes.
Saul: No more lies, Red.
Red: This is my moment.
Saul: This is your moment.

Your moment:
Pineapple Express
James Franco
Brisbane
Brisbane Whale Watching
Brisbane Whale Museum

Other fun quotes:

Mr. Edwards: Clark’s a great guy, man. He’s totally gonna take care of Angie, man. He’s great; he’s a wonderful lab partner, so… It’s gonna be cool, he’ll keep one eye on her.
Dale Denton: Why don’t you go f**k yourself, you weird little prick?
Mr. Edwards: I’m a teacher, okay? You can’t talk to me like that, guy.
Dale Denton: I’m not a student, so I can say whatever the f**k I want, you chimp-f**king little bastard.

Angie Anderson: F**k you, Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What is a half, your hand? That doesn’t count!
Robert: Angie, you’re a fucking idiot. I say that with love

Saul: This is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush I had, and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and f**ked, this would the shit that they birthed.
Dale Denton: [smells the marijuana] Wow. This is the product of baby f**king.

Matheson: [Saul has smashed a coffee pot in Matheson's face, leaving huge scars] I look like the Hamburglar.

Destination: Govindas, Sydney

Inspiration: Aussie actress and star of CHUCK, Yvonne Strahovski:  ”Go to GOVINDAS, a weird and awesome movie room where you lay down on cushions to watch movies and before you see the movie, you eat vegetarian Hindu food cooked by the Hindus. Its rad! 112 Darlinghurst Rd, Darlinghurst NSW 2010.”

Actualization: The first time I tried to make this moment, I got lost in the city walking everywhere BUT the actual street Govindas was on. I’ve realized , and this is NO EXAGGERATION, the Aussies always WANT to help but literally 9 times out of 10 make up the answer to your question and HOPE that they might be right. Not kidding. It’s happened at least 27 times now.

ME: “Is the garden up on this street?”
Aussie:“Oh yes of course walk that way, turn right and it’s right in front of you.”
WRONG!

ME: “Do you know which way to Bill’s?
Aussie: “Of course mate, that’s easy. Just turn up here and you’ll see it 4 blocks ahead.”
ME: “Oh my gosh thank you for helping!”
Aussie: “No worries love.”
WRONG!

On Govinda’s attempt #2, I was tipsy and I scored. Dragging along my friend Megan Pope, I was lucky she was just as tipsy and hungry as me. We basically inhaled the vegetarian buffet. Reminder to self, don’t expect to day drink and then control food intake (and definitely don’t go to a buffet). I sampled everything laid out while Megan tried to determine if any of the drinks on the menu had alcohol in them. Three tofu helpings in and I asked Megan, born with that adorable Australian sweet nature, if she was sure she didn’t want to stay and watch the movie with me and she said, “Angie, I mean if they at least had wine!” I LOVE HER. I felt a bit of the same. Wrong night for a movie.

Until I made it into the theater….and then for the next two hours was completely taken away with the story of Coco Chanel. I didn’t realize how much I was craving alone time as well and then getting to watch a movie in pillows with a full tummy after my early drinking WAS A DREAM COME TRUE…nope I didn’t fall asleep. If you remember, I had a daytime nap at my afternoon facial in between drinks. The theater seemed to provide a good mix of independent films with a few mainstream ones thrown in. Coco was one of those movies you really want to see, but unless someone ropes you into the theater, you talk about it forever and 5 years later find it on a plane and finally see it. Well this time I was trapped into seeing it and honestly could not have had a better night. I also love a good French film and the subtitles didn’t allow me to lose focus for a second. The red pillows and dinner/movie aspect made Govindas a great date spot, but I think if I lived in Australia I’d make it my secret escape haven .

I left the theater having had a good cry and ready to hit the sack before my 6am flight to Brisbane for what became my PINEAPPLE EXPRESS MOMENT.

Realization: Force yourself to experience the things you wouldn’t normally get excited. An unconventional day brings an unconventional happy feeling.

Your Moment:

Yvonne Strahovski

Govinda’s

Yvonne’s email of suggestions (PS how great is she for putting in locations? Bonus points Yvonne!):

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Angie,

You can always go to the awesome POOL CAFE in MAROUBRA where I used to earn 12 dollars an hour its a nice spot high on a hill overlooking ocean and at this time of year, I think, u will prob see the whales travelling north. Erm… All my recommendations are not fancy, coz when I lived in australia I wasn’t as fancy as I am now .

• Go to GOVINDAS, a wierd and awesome movie room where u lay down on cushions to watch movies and before u see the movie, u eat vegetarian Hindu food cooked by the hindus. Its rad! 112 darlinghurst rd, darlinghurst NSW 2010
• Close by, same street bit further down is a joint called UNAS. U must MUST have the Jaeger schnitzel. 338-340 victoria st, Darlinghurst NSW 2010
• DEF go to BONDI ICEBERGS. On the south cliff end of bondi beach. Gorgeous!!!
• And go to the OPERA BAR at circular quay in the city. Its got great views of city, beautiful during a sunny day.
• Do the whole walk around circular quay in fact.
• Speaking of walks, Bondi to Bronte coastal walk is a MUST. If u do anything-its this.
• Crown street in Surry hills offers some cool vibe and good food too.
• And the garlic and fetta bread at Well Connected (a cafe in Glebe) was my FAVE FAVE treat ever!!!! If they still make it.
• And if u don’t see the blue mountains ur crazy.
• WENTWORTH FALLS in the blue mnts has a small shop lined street and a train station. There, u will find a german bakery with cakes and coffee. Get in early and have the scones and jam with an earl grey tea or hot choc. MmmMMMMM!!!!!!!

And aussie land makes the best coffees and hot chocs….

Xx,
Yvonne

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